Part of a Mindful, Long-term Couple
The December 1989 issue of New Mexico’s Out! magazine included profiles of the relationships of several Albuquerque gay and lesbian couples including Jon Hull and Alan Stringer. Here is their story.
For Jon Hull and Alan Stringer, the key to their relationship, reaching the 10-year mark, has been admiration and understanding. Plus, they have common interests and hobbies.
Each is proud of the other for his accomplishments. Jon says he is proud of Alan’s musical accomplishments, while Alan admires Jon for his technical abilities. Both are musicians in their own right; however, neither really loves the other’s medium. Alan works in the classical area, while Jon writes jazz. “But I admire Alan for his work, and I’m proud of Alan,” Jon said. “I have to admire the person I’m with, which I do very much with Alan.”
They are also committed to similar projects, such as gay civil rights, Common’s Bond’s “Caught in the Act”, and Alan’s opera projects. “But I think the key to staying together is knowing how to live with another person, said Alan. “Because after all that is what you are doing – two people sharing the same environmental space. We respect each other’s area. We might both be home doing different things in our own areas. I don’t expect Jon to be in the same room with me constantly and neither does he of me.”
“Alan and I are in this relationship because we chose to be here,” Jon said. “Therefore, we do things together because we want to. There is no obligation to go somewhere when we don’t want to go. In a relationship, you have to learn how to ask for things so that the other person will know what you want and how you feel about it.”
“Another key to a successful relationship is being very careful of each other’s feelings. You have to be aware that just once is too much for a hateful word to be said,” added Jon. “We are also totally honest. We have an open relationship, though it is very rare. From the beginning, we have been honest about any outside affairs.” For Jon and Alan, getting through the tough times is done by being very understanding about each other’s limitations. “You also stick it out with a person because you want a relationship,” Alan added.
While many couples try to function with joint finances, Jon and Alan are totally separate in their money dealings. “We go Dutch, and we have a ledger to keep track of each of our expenses for the house and joint usage. We set it up this way because of our differences in income, and we have found that it works for us,” said Alan. The two say the best advice they can give to a young couple is “Take time to learn how to live with another person. Give yourself time to live with each other.” Jon added. “Don’t expect a lot, just be.”
For Jon Hull and Alan Stringer, the key to their relationship, reaching the 10-year mark, has been admiration and understanding. Plus, they have common interests and hobbies.
Each is proud of the other for his accomplishments. Jon says he is proud of Alan’s musical accomplishments, while Alan admires Jon for his technical abilities. Both are musicians in their own right; however, neither really loves the other’s medium. Alan works in the classical area, while Jon writes jazz. “But I admire Alan for his work, and I’m proud of Alan,” Jon said. “I have to admire the person I’m with, which I do very much with Alan.”
They are also committed to similar projects, such as gay civil rights, Common’s Bond’s “Caught in the Act”, and Alan’s opera projects. “But I think the key to staying together is knowing how to live with another person, said Alan. “Because after all that is what you are doing – two people sharing the same environmental space. We respect each other’s area. We might both be home doing different things in our own areas. I don’t expect Jon to be in the same room with me constantly and neither does he of me.”
“Alan and I are in this relationship because we chose to be here,” Jon said. “Therefore, we do things together because we want to. There is no obligation to go somewhere when we don’t want to go. In a relationship, you have to learn how to ask for things so that the other person will know what you want and how you feel about it.”
“Another key to a successful relationship is being very careful of each other’s feelings. You have to be aware that just once is too much for a hateful word to be said,” added Jon. “We are also totally honest. We have an open relationship, though it is very rare. From the beginning, we have been honest about any outside affairs.” For Jon and Alan, getting through the tough times is done by being very understanding about each other’s limitations. “You also stick it out with a person because you want a relationship,” Alan added.
While many couples try to function with joint finances, Jon and Alan are totally separate in their money dealings. “We go Dutch, and we have a ledger to keep track of each of our expenses for the house and joint usage. We set it up this way because of our differences in income, and we have found that it works for us,” said Alan. The two say the best advice they can give to a young couple is “Take time to learn how to live with another person. Give yourself time to live with each other.” Jon added. “Don’t expect a lot, just be.”